Planning The Proposal

It all started with a mango tree, or rather, a lack thereof…

Couples often have particular things that are unique to their relationship. Sometimes it’s a place or a home-cooked meal. For Sharon and I, amongst the variety of quirky things special to us, there’s a song. And in this song, there’s a mango tree. So one day, I had the crazy idea to find such a tree and create a special moment for the two of us. Then I remembered one of Sharon’s favorite places in the world – the Huntington Gardens.  Surely, a place with over a dozen gardens and a multitude of vegetation from around the world would have at least one mango tree!  Unfortunately, it does not.

What I did realize during my search is that the Huntington Gardens might just be the perfect place for a proposal.  While I had never been, I knew it had all the necessary ingredients to put together a surprise. Along with being an absolutely gorgeous environment, it also holds a special place in Sharon’s heart. She had also repeatedly mentioned that she wanted to take me there, yet (fortunately) we failed to find time during our previous visits to the Pasadena area.

Unbeknownst to Sharon, we couldn’t just make an impromptu trip to Los Angeles, mainly because I had another precarious idea. I wanted the entire event recorded on camera. Sharon remarked in late 2011 how thoughtful it was that one of her wedding photography clients had hired a photographer to photograph their proposal. And so, upon inception, I began my search for a photographer or videographer. Thanks to Sharon, she handed me the answer on a silver platter, one day voicing her appreciation of her friend Mark’s style and success as a professional photographer.

The next step was choosing a date. Between Sharon’s rigorous vet school schedule and my intense workload as I was finishing a post-doc at UC Davis, there were few opportunities for traveling. A three-day holiday weekend that was three months out seemed perfect!

I first contacted the Huntington Gardens. Sure enough, I quickly realized this wasn’t going to be simple. Amongst the several obstacles (which I discuss below), it was absolutely forbidden to a have a professional photograph such an event, without officially booking it with the Huntington.  Fortunately, however, the weekend was available.

I then moved on to Mark, whom I had never met. Upon emailing him in early March 2012, he responded with the disappointing news that he was already photographing a wedding that Saturday evening in his home state of Washington. Fortunately, Mark is simply awesome! He was 100% on-board for a Sunday afternoon shoot, exclaiming, “Who needs sleep though, right?”

Upon returning from our spring break trip to the Big Island of Hawaii, I moved forward with the Huntington Gardens and Mark to make it all official. I then thought, hey, I should see if Sharon’s parents would be interested in flying from New York to California to surprise her. Yes, another wacky idea. Yet when I called her father, he mentioned that he and Grace had just booked a trip to San Francisco for 10 days (flying in that holiday weekend), and it was quite likely they could sneak down to Pasadena for a couple days.

The final plan that John and I ultimately decided on was that he and Grace would rent a car and drive 6 hours to Pasadena the morning of the proposal after they flew in to San Francisco the previous day. In addition, they were going to bring with them a very special bottle of wine, a 1994 Silver Oak (Sharon’s 2011 Christmas present to me) to enjoy at our dinner celebration. To do this, I planned to secretly bring the bottle to work in Berkeley, give it to Susan (Sharon’s sister who also works at Berkeley), who would give it to John and Grace when they arrived in San Francisco, before heading south to Pasadena.

The stars were aligning!... Or were they? After all, remember, this is Sharon we’re dealing with…

I knew that 1) with her parents coming into town, and 2) with the end-of-the-year vet school party (a.k.a. The Smoker) that weekend, I had to immediately lock in the Los Angeles trip with Sharon. However, making plans for Sharon without her knowing about it = BAD idea. Boy did she make things difficult, mainly because she “didn’t want to drive to L.A. again,” and she wanted to go to Smoker this year. But with the wheels turning, I told her that I already bought non-refundable tickets for a ‘surprise event’ on Memorial Day, and she would certainly love where we were headed on Sunday. I also felt it necessary to disclose our visit to the Huntington Gardens on Sunday, to get her excited for the whole trip and to minimize any suspicions on that day. So, like the mature adults that we are (ha!), we compromised and decided to fly into L.A. bright and early Sunday morning… Ironically, we never ended up going to the vet school party the night before.

Now for the hard part!

How do you plan a surprise for someone who prefers to do things her way, and who strongly dislikes surprises? Mind you, Sharon had also told me multiple times that simply the image of a man on a knee holding a tiny box creates an overwhelming sense of panic inside her. Don’t forget, I had never been to the Huntington, nor could I reasonably visit there to plans things out in person. And then there were the restrictions put forth by the Huntington: the photo shoot started at a pre-determined time (regardless of when the proposal happened), and, once the photo shoot started (i.e. the proposal), we could not change into nice clothes for the ensuing engagement shoot.

I knew I had my work cut out for me.

And so I composed multiple plans – and backup plans – to try and account for the variety of curveballs that the gods might throw at me that day. I knew that I wanted a late afternoon proposal, which would allow us to use the Huntington Gardens after hours for our engagement shoot. I also wanted a late lunch (~2 pm), since we had dinner plans (with her parents!) after the photo shoot, around 7 pm. With some tentative ideas put together, I casually brought up our trip with Sharon one evening. Surprise, surprise! Sharon has a very precise path that she always takes at the Huntington, which of course is the exact opposite of the path I had in mind. She also preferred to wear comfortable street clothes rather than something fancy (clearly not ideal for engagement photos). Oh yeah, Sharon also insisted on bringing our own snacks to munch on throughout the day (which, of course, is not allowed). Clearly, the gods had it in for me. But remember, we have Cupid on our team! So I improvised and knocked those curveballs straight out of the park.

Last up, choosing a precise location for the proposal. Following numerous phone conversations with Mark, we both realized the challenges in predicting exactly when and where Sharon and I would be. So instead, Mark and I chose a handful of locations (thanks to photos linked to precise GPS locations on Google Maps). We also decided to trust a brilliant Smartphone App called Glympse (which provides users exact GPS locations of their friends in real time) in order to track each other when inside the Huntington. Mark and I also established a plan for giving each other ‘the green light.’ Specifically, when Mark first noticed us in person, he would send me an arbitrary text message inquiring about a camera lens that Sharon and I were selling on Craigslist. If I responded and included the word ‘Fantastic,’ this meant he should get ready for shooting the proposal.

After much ado, I felt adequately prepared – and more importantly, incredibly excited – for our trip to Pasadena and a moment that I hoped we would always remember, together.

One question remained: would everything go as smoothly as I had planned?...